As a public service (and with tongue firmly implanted in cheek), I give you the following methods for responding to reasonable arguments made by Catholics. Feel free to choose one or more—whatever’s best suited for you!
- Shift the burden of proof. It’s true that you are the one who has made the accusation, and you do believe in Innocent Until Proven Guilty, but Catholics a priori are guilty, so it falls to them to prove their innocence. Therefore demand that, rather than you proving your claim, it is the Catholic’s responsibility to debunk it. However, don’t forget that because they are guilty, any evidence they provide is always tainted.
- It’s okay to lie! First of all, you’re saved no matter what you do. Second, the prohibition against lying states “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor” and Catholics, being the spawn of Satan, are not your neighbors. (Bonus points for also despising them since it’s only your neighbor you have to love as yourself.)
- Ignore scripture that seems to bolster the Catholic position, even if what’s written right there in black and white is exactly what the Catholic is saying. It’s a given that scripture was not written to support Catholicism; therefore your opponent’s interpretation is automatically erroneous. Besides, your one verse trumps his dozen or so because, after all, you are led by the Holy Spirit and he is not.
- Ignore any context a Catholic claims. After all, the only context that counts is the scripture you’ve already quoted. The verse says what it says, doesn’t it? (Bonus points if you don’t see a contradiction between this and #3 above.)
- You know Catholicism better than any Catholic. Amazing, but true! You know their Church even better than they do! Tell the Catholic what heresies he believes (even if he says he doesn’t), then shoot down the position you say he holds. Ignore his claims about you making a supposed “straw man” argument. (Bonus points if you can add “I used to be Catholic, but . . . “)
- Slam-dunk arguments are invisible. If the Catholic makes an argument you don’t know how to refute, simply claim you never saw it (see #2 above). If the Catholic then re-posts the argument, tell him you don’t have time to chase every stick that’s thrown. (Bonus points if you can manage to spend more time telling the Catholic you don’t have time to respond to his post than you would have had to spend actually responding to his post.)
- Next to the Bible, anti-Catholic websites are infallible. Whenever you can’t prove something from scripture, simply give a link to an anti-Catholic site. The more vitriol, the better. (Bonus points if you don’t tell the Catholic where in the website your evidence lies. If he complains that you are demanding he read the entire site, say that’s not your problem and accuse him of not loving God enough to find out the truth.)
- “You lie!” Never accept any evidence a Catholic gives you, even if it’s scripture. “You lie!” should be your automatic response when he tells you he doesn’t worship Mary or the Pope, and doesn’t believe he can earn his way into heaven by doing good works. Hey, all Catholics are liars, so you should feel confident telling them so.
- “You’re damned!” This is your ace in the hole when all else fails. Besides, you know it’s true because the Catholic has been trying to pull you out of the true church into that Whore of Babylon. (Bonus points if you tell him you’re certainly saved and can’t wait to watch him being thrown into the lake of eternal fire.)